Grab a paper bag, breathe into it and calm down. You're hyperventilating because you ain't never seen a deal like this before. Now collect yourself, then keep reading this incredible description that barely serves to do justice to my Tidecraft bassboat. Also known as the greatest boat Spring Hill has ever had the privilege of existing around.
What makes this boat so much better than every other boat that has ever floated? Glad you asked. It starts with the paint scheme. It looks like Iron Man if Iron Man was an old sun baked boat. That's bold, son. Pure redneck appeal. This floating piece of art has never seen a garage or a cover. Why not? Glad you asked. Because real fisherman fish. They don't worry about stuff like fishguts or UV rays, and aren't going to spend precious fishing time washing and waxing. What else? Let's talk about that five speed electric trolling motor for a second. It's as gnarly as it is exotic. Like the tropical, saw-toothed platypus. Which is a species that doesn't even exist. Fortunately this crazy ass motor does. It offers 5 speeds, as the name implies. It also offers a terrific chance to introduce that foot of yours to the responsibility of navigating by foot steering. That's right, your hands are now free to toss a lure or crunch a budwieser can on your head So don't trip. Boat safe. Get a life and a life jacket and if you've never ridden a 17' speed boat with fishing deck and 135 hp outboard, maybe it's time to move along, young sir because this bad mofo doesn't flip flop and it doesn't suffer fools. But your not a fool cause your still reading so what this boat does offer is a one-way ticket to legits-ville. Find a bowling ball. Then find another one. Your balls must be at least that big to even consider making this whip the dreamiest object to ever take up too much space in your unmowed yard. But you'll be filled with joy once you pull a huge Snook into this flawless piece of American-made marine excellence.
What else? The deck carpet and hatch covers are a little worn. Yeah, well, that's called real life. It comes at you fast, bro. Besides, you really want a glimmering, shimmering sex machine catching the eye of some small time thief?. Consider the lived-in feel a natural crime deterrent. If this boat were denim jeans, it'd be called "de-stressed" and you'd be paying extra for the privilege. I'm not gonna charge you extra for it, though. Cause I'm not trying to take advantage of you. But you should take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
But Myron you ask, aren't you sad about selling the greatest boat on earth? No. When you take this boat out even once it permanently eliminates your ability to feel sad about anything ever again. Even for little puppies who are afraid to walk down the stairs, because the stairs...they're so big, and they're so little. Puppies who are young, but have already discovered the world to be a cold, unforgiving place. But you won't give a **** about it because you'll be on your awesome new boat living the dream.
The boat is named Tidecraft and your name is lucky Mofo if you make the best choice of your life and pay me cold, hard cash for this ridiculous ride. So BUY THIS BOAT.!!! $900 (does not include trailer)